


The Art of Letting Go

by ElizaStyx



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Anal Sex, Bottom Dean, Dean automotive shop worker, Dean with no memory of Sam, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Incest, M/M, Sam going to hell for Dean, Sam makes a deal, Sex on the Impala, Smut, Sorta sad, Top Sam, Wincest - Freeform, at least not too much of it, but it's not angst, maybe a little mindfucking, real love, regaining lost memories, sold soul
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-16
Updated: 2014-10-16
Packaged: 2018-02-21 08:16:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2461217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElizaStyx/pseuds/ElizaStyx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam just couldn't stand the sight of Dean so depressed by Lisa and Ben forgetting him and disappearing from his life. He couldn't stand seeing Dean's pain so he did the only right thing that came to his mind - he dealt with Crowley.<br/>At the cost of Sam's soul Dean started a new life with no memory of his brother, and Crowley's protection from all the supernatural. Everything went according to the plan so that all could end up with Sam going peacefully to hell after a year and Dean living 'til a ripe old age to see Ben's children play at his and Lisa's house as expected but... there was this one little thing always standing in the way that no one took into consideration...<br/>The fact that Sam was just unable to stay away from Dean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Art of Letting Go

Sam shouldn't have come there.  
He knew this even before he entered the store but it was just too tempting to resist and now it was already too late.  
He was fidgeting by the stand with automotive articles and the shop assistant was coming at him with a big friendly grin.

The grin that Sam knew all too well although he had seen it so rarely in his life.

"Good morning, sir, can I be of any assistance today?" asked the man and Sam's heart sunk, uneasy with being unrecognised.  
"Uhm, hi..." Sam looked at the name tag, not only to pretend that he had to but also to stop staring at this face he missed so much. "Dean." he smiled hysterically. "I'm just looking for some decent oil for my car. Impala '67."  
"Impala?" Dean looked at him with more interest. "Man, you definitely have a taste in cars."  
"Thanks." Sam bit his lip.

He had really wanted to let Dean keep at least the car but it could remind him of his past and bring some unwanted attention to him.  
 _Ah yes, because meeting me isn't risky at all..._ Sam thought bitterly, avoiding Dean's gaze. _Way to go, Sam._  
In the meantime Dean turned to the shelf and carefully chose a product for Sam. The same fucking oil he had always used himself and Sam almost totally lost it, seeing the familiar label. Dean handed him the bottle and smiled encouragingly so Sam took it machinally and grinned awkwardly.  
"I believe that this is the best choice for your car." Dean was satisfied.  
"Thank you." Sam raised his head and looked into these green eyes, right away feeling like a deer caught in the headlights.  
"No problem." Dean smiled sincerely.

Sam thought that one more minute in that place with Dean being so close would be enough for him to crack up and do something even more stupid.  
He said a quick goodbye and almost run to the cash desk, feeling Dean's quizzical gaze on his back.  
He totally shouldn't have come there.

***

Sam also totally shouldn't have stayed in the city but he did. And not only did he stay there but he also went to that fucking store again because he was such a weak man.  
He told himself that the Impala really needed to be taken care of and immediately admitted that it was one of the poorest excuses he had ever came up with.

"Hello." Dean approached him as soon as Sam appeared in his sight.  
"Hi." Sam blushed, feeling like an idiot.  
"Is something wrong with the oil?" Dean looked slightly worried.  
"No, no, it's perfect. Like really." Sam ensured him. "It just turned out that I also need windshield washer fluid."  
"I see..." Dean narrowed his eyes. "Any preferences?"  
Sam just gave him his best lost puppy look so Dean understood it was all up to him as obviously that tall dude had no idea about cars although he was driving a real legend. Dean was getting really curious about this Impala.  
Sam grabbed the fluid that Dean chose and awkwardly saying his goodbye, he backed away.

***

The third time he visited the shop, Sam felt like a professional stalker but Dean wasn't even surprised to see him, as if he actually was waiting for him to come. Dean's face expressed pure amusement.  
"Hello there." he grinned. "How can I help you today, Impala owner?"  
"Oh, I'm sorry." Sam remembered that he actually didn't even introduce himself. "I'm Sam."  
"Nice to finally learn your name." Dean winked.  
They shook hands and Dean's felt painfully familiar with all the calluses and scars that Sam knew by heart.

"So... What's it gonna be today, Sam?" Dean smiled impishly.  
"Actually a shampoo... I guess." Sam hesitated.  
"And tomorrow you'll be back for some wax, right?" Dean couldn't stop himself from smirking smugly.  
Sam blinked realising that Dean was teasing him in a very flirtatious way. He blushed, hiding his face behind his hair.  
"Am I really so transparent?" he asked as he actually searched the web for every single product that he could come to buy there.

Dean laughed sincerely, his eyes sparkling with happiness and Sam wished he had seen him more often like that in his previous life.  
"It's not really your car, is it?" Dean finally decided to learn a bit more about that poor Impala.  
"No..." Sam shook his head. "It belonged to my... brother." he probably shouldn't have said that.  
Dean immediately became serious and placed his hand on Sam's shoulder.  
"I know a thing or two about cars." he uttered calmly. "I may be able to help you. I'll be done here in two hours so why don't you come back then and I'll see what I can do for you and your car, okay?" he smiled sheepishly. "Of course only if you want me to."  
"Sure." Sam's smile was faint as he felt so bad for not being able to just let go. "Thanks, Dean. It would be great."  
"No problem." Dean's smile could melt an iceberg.

***

Sam parked the Impala in front of the store, constantly telling himself that he totally shouldn't have come and he still could just leave. He sold his precious soul to let Dean be and now he was wasting his own sacrifice for the sake of seeing Dean smile.

Fuck logic.

He got out of the car to grumpily lean on the hood with his arms crossed and head hanging low, waiting for Dean to come. It was already getting darker and colder, half of his time had passed, he was a fucking idiot and he had exactly zero excuses for what he was doing in that moment.  
"Love doesn't care for logic." he muttered bitterly to himself, sure that it was one of those wise quotes he read somewhere.  
"Huh?" he heard a familiar voice right beside him.  
"N-nothing." Sam almost jumped up in the air as he didn't hear Dean approaching him.  
Apparently he had kept some skills he wasn't probably even aware of.

Dean was no longer wearing his uniform, having changed into a freakin' plaid that matched Sam's as usual.  
He slowly examined the overall looks of the car while Sam stood straight to step back and examine Dean, making a way for him.  
Finally Dean whistled with approval.  
"What a baby..." he stroke the black roof. "Let's take a look under the hood, shall we?"  
Sam nodded and quickly put it up for him. Dean checked few things that Sam probalby didn't even knew he could check and palpably satisfied he turned to Sam.  
"It's a beautiful car and it's always been taken care of pretty well." he smiled. "Wish I had a car like this. It's gonna work for the next fifty years."  
"It's all my brother's doing, he really loved her." Sam confessed.  
"Is he...?" Dean hated to ask.  
"Gone." Sam lowered his head.  
"I'm sorry." Dean really was, he truly felt for Sam.  
"It's alright." Sam waved his hand, not really wanting to discuss it. "Wanna take a ride?" he asked to distract him.  
"Oh no, you are not actually..." Dean's eyes went wide.  
"Yes, I am." Sam smiled mischievously, immediately happier at the sight of Dean's excitement. "Here." he tossed him the keys. "You can drive if you want."  
"Awesome." Dean whispered with disbelief.

***

It felt so right, Dean driving and Sam sitting by his side. At first they were silent, listening to the roar of the Impala, Dean visibly excited and Sam just happy to see Dean like that and well... to see Dean at all. The time he had spent without his brother felt already like hell with all the loneliness and endless pain.  
The Winchesters had grown so attached to each other that he felt as if he was no longer able to breathe when Dean was gone. It tortured him for so long that he finally gave up and there he was, everything seemingly in the usual order.

Except for the fact that Dean was happy and Sam was going to hell.

The lights turned red so Dean stopped the car and having an opportunity he reached into the compartment to pick a casette. It was the one with some of his favourite classic hits that Sam didn't listen to because they brought too many memories. He was of course also unable to get rid of any of Dean's possessions for exactly the same reason. Now he couldn't protest though and the music filled the cabin like in good old times. Sam was on the verge of tears while Dean was humming the melodies just the way he always did.

Sam spent the next few minutes of the ride silently lost in his thoughts, fighting back the sadness and trying to get out of this short moments as much as he could, staring at Dean and devouring every inch of the features he knew so well. Dean didn't seem to mind having Sam's gaze glued to him, he was actually smiling mischievously.  
"How about" Dean begun, surprising Sam. "we go get some food and eat in a nice location just outside the city? I'm starving..."  
"Sure, yeah, why not?" Sam grunted, his brain coming up with a log list of reasons why they shouldn't do this.  
They went silent again.  
"I'm sorry, man." Dean spoke after a while. "But I keep having this feeling... Haven't we met before? Because sure as hell I remember seeing your face..."  
"I travel a lot." Sam shrugged. "Maybe you've seen me somewhere. I would surely remember meeting you."  
"I bet you would." Dean was satisfied, taking it as compliment.

He didn't have the time to elaborate on the topic though because they reached the drive-through they chose to visit and it was their turn to order something.  
"Rabbit food." Dean rolled his eyes as he commented on Sam's choice and Sam almost believed everything was alright.

Almost.

***

Dean didn't tell Sam where they were heading so Sam was truly surprised as he read the sign on the rusty gate they were obviously going to drive through.  
"A drive-in cinema?" Sam raised his brows.  
"It had been closed ten years ago but I accidentaly found myself here once and the location is still pretty cool." Dean shrugged and Sam was almost sure he blushed a little but he couldn't be sure as it was already dark outside. "You just can watch stars instead of films now."  
"I see..." Sam was wondering when did their small trip took such a date-y turn.  
Honestly though, they fell into their usual roles so naturally it was almost scary. Sam loved every second of it, deceiving himself that this could last forever.

Only that it couldn't, eventhough his forever meant only six months.

Dean parked the Impala in the middle of the empty square and they both got out, closing their door in sync.  
Sam handed Dean his food and they took their usual places, leaning on the car next to each other. Dean sighed after inhaling the scent of his hamburger.  
"Best ones in the whole town." he said and took a big bite, stuffing his mouth in a hilarious squirrel-like way.  
Sam chuckled silently, dressing his salad with the sauce. They ate for a while in silence, Dean wolfing down his bun, Sam being slower and marvelling at the fact that the salad was really tasty.

"It feels like I've been here before..." Dean muttered after he finished his food. "It's so strange."  
"You said you've visited the place..." Sam couldn't stop his sassiness although he knew exactly what Dean wanted to say.  
"Oh, come on." Dean frowned at him. "I mean here like **with you** , doing stuff like that. It feels like I've really known you forever."  
Sam didn't know what to say so he concentrated on his salad.

It was all just a big fucking mistake and he was a weak, pitiful creature that couldn't let his brother have a well deserved apple-pie life because of his own needs.  
"Are you a happy person?" he asked quietly after a while, still choosing to look at his food rather than at Dean.  
"Well, yeah, I guess." Dean was a bit surprised by such a question but felt like answering honestly. "I mean, as much as a single dude with no perspectives can be."  
"You are single?" Sam was shocked because Dean was supposed to end up with Lisa.  
"I am." Dean took it as yet another compliment. "My last girlfriend..." he hesitated. "She didn't particularly enjoy the boring life we had. I'm just a regular guy with no special skills or knowledge. Plus he digged that heroic firefighter even before we met." he rolled his eyes.  
"Oh." Sam was more than simply surprised.  
So Dean didn't actually have any family now.

They were both alone without each other.

"How about you?" Dean asked, trying to look Sam in the eyes.  
Sam hid his face behind his hair, trying to find words that wouldn't reveal too much but maybe make a way for him to... Well, he wasn't entirely sure what he wanted to achieve here.  
"I'm alone." he said carefully. "I don't have much time left anyway so I generally avoid people, not to let anyone get hurt."  
"If I can ask... How much...?" Dean's eyes were suddenly full of sadness.  
"Half a year." Sam grimaced. "It's still enough to do some things that would make my life matter."  
Dean didn't comment but he placed his hand on Sam's and Sam could feel the heat radiating from it. He turned his head only to meet Dean's gaze.

Questioning and burning.

"I know that I just know you, Sam." Dean said softly. "Maybe we haven't met before but it doesn't matter because I sure as hell do **know** you. As if you were some long lost part of me." he looked down for a split second and then back into Sam's eyes. "Dude, I suck at this romantic bullshit but you have to feel it too."  
Sam had never made a bigger effort to keep breathing, his chest heavy with emotions and sure as hell, deep sadness written all over his face.

So this was what it was all coming to.

The Winchesters obviously loved each other like all the brothers do but at some point... this weird sexual tension appeared in their relationship. They both acknowledged it, Sam knew that they did, especially when Dean looked at him in a way that Sam could only call as full of silent longing. Neither of them made a move though and so they lasted with those feelings buzzing in the air between them.  
Even after Dean had met Lisa and Ben and seemed to be wanting to spend the rest of his life with them, nothing had changed in their attitudes, they were still both silently pining for each other.

Freeing Dean from all his memories of Sam, accidentaly freed him also from finding this kind of feelings wrong.

Dean always seemed to be the one who had more issues with the moral inappropriatness of incest. At least that was what Sam thought and the only reason why he didn't do anything about this although he wanted it so much.

And now Dean was looking at him with determination, falling in love because it wasn't forbidden, proving Sam that no matter what, their feelings were true and unchangeable, as if they were written into the very core of their beings.  
"You don't wanna do this." Sam's voice was a whisper as Dean glanced at his lips with an obvious intent.  
"You can shove this martyrdom up your ass." Dean were looking back into his eyes. "I do want this. I want you, Sam, like I've been waiting for this for years."

Sam wanted to protest, wanted to say anything to stop this from happening but he couldn't. Not only because telling the truth was the only and unacceptable option but also because Dean shut his mouth, pressing his plush lips against Sam's and Sam was lost for good. His hands found Dean's head and pulled him closer, making them melt into each other, their bodies so close. They nibbled on their swollen lips, gripping the clothes that separated them and trying to create friction for their growing erections.  
"Take me." groaned Dean. "I don't care if this is only this one time and you'll leave me heartbroken tomorrow. I don't care. I want you now, Sammy." Sam shivered, hearing this pet name. "I need you."

Sam felt all the walls he built up to separate himself from his lust crumbling down upon facing Dean's rapacity. He didn't say anything, closing the gap between them instead, taking all that Dean wanted to give him.  
He felt Dean's fingers working on the buttons of his shirt and in the sudden moment of clarity he yanked away, realising that Dean shouldn't see the tatoo matching his own on Sam's chest.  
"It's cold." he said, feeling awkward while Dean seemed to be hurt at first until a mischievous smile appeared on his face.  
"I'm sure this will soon change and you'll jump out of that shirt, big boy." Dean purred.  
"We'll see." Sam smirked.  
"We will." Dean winked and unbuttoned his own shirt to let Sam see his flat stomach, perky nipples and that friggin tattoo that could raise too many questions.  
Dean circled his nipples with his fingers and Sam huffed, feeling his cock throb in his pants.  
"You're surely missing out." Dean slid his hand down his abdomen and into his pants.  
"Damn." Sam couldn't just be watching any longer.

He crushed Dean's mouth with his, his hands on Dean's sides wandering onto his hips. He undid Dean's belt and pushed his pants and boxers down at once, releasing his leaking cock. Sam touched him, making him gasp silently and shiver with lust. He pushed Dean up onto Impala's hood and Dean understood his intentions perfectly, spreading his legs shamelessly, his dick hard and his hole on display.  
"Damn." Sam repeated, leaning forward and kissing Dean once again, his fully clothed body grinding against Dean's naked one.  
When he pulled back, breathing heavily and unzipping his fly, Dean licked his finger and producing a loud moan, pressed it into himself.  
"No lube?" Sam's eyes were wide open as he observed Dean's actions.  
"None unless you carry some in the car." Dean snorted, smearing his precome onto his finger and pushing it in again, this time deeper.  
"I don't." Sam fidgeted, his gaze locked on Dean's moving hand.  
"Fuck." Dean moaned, reaching his prostate. "Then we have to go on what we have. Wanna feel you in me anyway, Sammy."  
A silent yelp left Sam's mouth as he felt the wetness soaking his boxers where the head of his cock touched the thin material.  
He was already so close.  
He quickly let his dick out, not pulling the pants down.  
"Wanna do this like that?" Dean raised his eyebrows. "So fucking hot." he pulled Sam into a kiss, still working himself open with his finger. "Help me." were his next words.

Sam spitted onto his finger and pressed it at the edge of the ring of muscles, feeling it stretch around Dean's digit. He pushed forward and Dean gasped, feeling suddenly twice more full. It was rough, it hurt more than he would classify as pleasant but it was Sam. Sam who was stupidly dressed and so fucking hot with the lust in his eyes and his finger inside of Dean.  
Saliva was a poor lubricant but it was better than nothing although Dean was ready to take all the pain just to feel Sam inside of him. God, he wanted him so much, as if he was pining for him for ages.  
"Fuck me." he growled. "Fuck me, Sammy."

Sam was way beyond the point of any doubts, his only goal was to finally be with Dean. He smeared the precome down the length of his cock and carefully pressed the tip against Dean's hole.  
"Do it!" Dean sounded inhumanly with his want so mighty, he would kill to be with Sam.  
And Sam shared this need.  
He moaned as Dean's muscles clenched around him protesting at the intrusion. Dean arched his back, squeezing his eyes at the sharp pain but then it eventually got bearable.  
Sam moved inside of him as if it was their last time together, not first, so desperate and animal, moaning Dean's name and fucking into him so that his cock was hitting Dean's prostate and making him yearn for relief.  
"Sam..." Dean's voice was muffled with lust choking him. "Oh fuck, Sammy..."

Dean couldn't stand that he was unable to touch as much of Sam as he wanted to so he started pulling on Sam's shirt again and this time Sam didn't care as he pounded into Dean biting on his neck and starting to jerk him off with one of his hands. Dean managed to unbutton the plaid shirt and finally his hands were on Sam's skin, tracing the muscles outlined beneath it.  
"Fuck." Sam groaned as Dean's thumbs grazed over his nipples.  
He increased the tempo and Dean closed his eyes, feeling all the pain getting dull as his orgasm was building up. Sam's hand was also working faster now and Dean gasped, feeling Sam's cock throb inside of him and spill the hot cum. He came into Sam's fist, his throat too tight to let him moan his lover's name.

Sam fell boneless on Dean, half of his naked chest visible and pressed against Dean's.  
"Too hot now, told you so." Dean muttered, stroking Sam's hair.  
Sam chuckled and raised his head to look at Dean and kiss him but as he leaned forward, Dean's gaze fell on the protection tattoo.

It was as if a lightning struck him, the sight triggering the return of the memories that pierced their way through his brain almost tearing him apart. He grimaced unable to emit any sound that could express his pain and shock.  
Sam looked at him with panic, shaking his shoulders and cupping his cheeks.  
"Dean? Dean!" Sam's voice was full of fear.  
"Sammy..." Dean grabbed Sam's shoulders, holding onto his brother for the dear life. "Oh fuck..."  
"What's happening, Dean?" Sam felt his stomach twist. "Answer me!"

Dean's eyes were closed as he started to slowly calm himself down despite Sam's hysterical actions.  
And then they yanked open and Sam almost jumped back at the sight of anger in them.  
"You fucking idiot!" Dean punched him right in the face and Sam fell onto his butt. "What the fuck you were even thinking?!"  
"I'm sorry, Dean." Sam rubbed his nose, curling into a ball of hurt and regret. "I'm terribly sorry! I shouldn't have taken advantage of you..."  
Dean was towering over Sam and he shivered, scared by such an unexpected outburst.  
"What the hell are you talking about?" Dean's voice was quieter but still intimidating, his brow furrowed.  
"I shouldn't have fucked you." Sam yelped, looking at Dean with his puppy eyes. "I'm sorry for letting this happen."  
"Sam..." Dean exhaled sharply. "Do you really think I am bitching because of the wonderful sex we've just had? Because sure as hell there are many other issues we should discuss like for example **you selling your fucking soul for me** , you stupid son of a bitch!"  
"What?" Sam made big eyes.  
"I got my memories back, you fool, this is what happened!" Dean snorted. "Why did you do that?" his voice became softer and sadder.  
"I..." Sam stuttered. "I just wanted  you to be happy, Dean. I love you and I wanted a normal, safe life for you!" he bursted out.

Dean squatted by Sam's side, his face suddenly no longer angry, his eyes flickering with many different emotions.  
"Sammy, you're such a dork." he uttered, smiling sadly. "I don't do normal or safe, you know that. I also just couldn't be happy without you. Lisa was never the one I wanted the most." he cupped Sam's cheek and felt the wet trails of tears underneath his thumb. "Don't cry, lil' brother. We're gonna save your ass just as we always do. You won't go to hell on my watch."  
"Dean..." Sam wanted to say all the sorrys, excuse himself, make everything clear but Dean placed a finger on his lips.  
"Shh..." Dean's eyes were wide open and insanely green even in the darkness.  
Sam gulped, suddenly much more curious about the things that the future could bring and no longer afraid, even if this was his last year amongst the living. He locked gazes with his brother, his pupils dilating at the sight of Dean slowly starting to grin mischievously.

Maybe they were both broken but at least they were broken together.


End file.
